Blowing Our Own Trumpet

We've just returned from our summer holidays, enjoying a week irritating the locals in some lovely European towns other than our own. We would show you the photos, but to be honest we got a bit too excited about foreign supermarkets, and so we've come back with a memory card filled with pictures of the fruit-and-veg aisle of the local Sisa.

One thing did strike us about the trip though. We flew on a budget airline which had a very strange habit; When the plane landed, the pilot would play a fanfare over the intercom. Like this;

The fanfare was followed by the announcement "Congratulations! This flight has arrived ON TIME!"

Now call us picky, but isn't the idea of a plane arriving on time kind of the whole point? When you book the flight, you're told what time you're going to arrive. That's it. It's not like some sort of travel-based Tombola where every flight number gets put in a hat and only the lucky ones (picked out by the vicar) get to land on time. The plane is SUPPOSED TO LAND ON TIME. When he made this announcement, we immediately thought of Chris Rock yelling "What do you want, a cookie?! It's what you're SUPPOSED to do!!". For a pilot to then whip out a trumpet and say "Hey, you'll never guess what. We've landed at the time we said we were going to land!" seems a bit grand. It's like the supermarket cashier ringing a bell and cheering because she gave you the correct change and didn't stab you in the eye.

Still, we're sure they're right and we're wrong. Which is why we're proud to introduce the Run For Your Lives Self-Congratulatory Fanfare-o-matic.

It's so easy, even the Beckhams could pay someone to use it. Next time you carry out some utterly mundane everyday task, simply click the Self-Congratulatory Fanfare-o-matic below:

Tada! Instant excessive glorification! You'll feel fantastic and everyone around you will be amazed at your astounding abilities to cope with life in general. Just made a routine phonecall? Fanfare! Eaten a sandwich without getting any in your shoes? Fanfare! Another drowning-free trip to the lavatory? Hit that button!

The Run For Your Lives Self-Congratulatory Fanfare-o-matic can enhance any piffling non-experience and lift you to the status of demi-god. Just remember to click any time you feel your 'acheivements' are worthy of note. Happy trumpetting!

Ooh look, we've just managed to type up an entire blog post all by ourselves. You know what that means...