Here are the only TV shows you'll need to watch tonight. Everything else is rubbish.
19:30, BBC Four: Batman. It's the one where the Penguin puts a giant umbrella in Gotham City. Not sure whether Batman does that dance or not. Still worth a look though.
21:30, BBC Four: Flight of the Conchords. This might be brilliant, or possibly not.
22:00, BBC Four: Charlie Brooker's Screenwipe Guide to TV. This is guaranteed to be brilliant. TV's most awkward presenter reveals how TV actually works, in the sort of grim detail that the premium-rate-phone-in investigation could only dream of. It will also be very funny.
P.S. You may have noticed that all our recommendations are from BBC Four. This is because we are incredibly intellectual, and not because our favourite programmes just happened to be on that channel tonight, whereas any other night would see us glued to repeats of Jackass and Takeshi's Castle.
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